Not Writing Again. Sigh. Fear Strikes Again.


I have 842 thoughts in my head. About half of those might make a decent topic to write about. And about half of that half might not be controversial. And that’s my problem.

I’m walking this new, strange path in my life. The kind where you evaluate why you believe what you believe. And when that happens, when you start to think for yourself instead of just accepting what has been spoonfed to you for most of your life, it really rocks your world.

My comfortable little world of black and white isn’t so comfortable anymore. Instead, there are so many shades of grey (I’d say 50 Shades, but then again, that might incite a riot and boycott among most of my readers)…

I started working thought beliefs and concepts one by one, but these concepts don’t often live in little boxes. So many jumble together, leading me down rabbit trails of thoughts.

Don’t despair, dear reader, don’t despair. I’m not off the reservation.  My core beliefs are stronger than ever.  But all those little non-essentials… they are entirely up for grabs. I’m talking things regarding faith, politics, and even my choice of smartphone. Yeah, that rocked my world. I switched from Android to iPhone… and yes, that Apple is sweet!

But seriously, I haven’t become a non-writer again.  I’m just finding it difficult to write lately. Organizing this puddle of thoughts in my head and working through this paradigm shift can leave me paralyzed when I sit in front of my computer screen. And I hate that because I was really, really aiming to be a good little writer and publish something, even mindless drivel, at least twice a week.

Sigh. Let’s start that clock again and see if I can meet my goal from now on.

And what to do about this writer’s paralysis? I’m trying to be brave. And as some friends encouraged me last week over a cup of coffee, I don’t need to write for anyone but myself. I might start writing and never publish half of what I write, and that’s going to be okay. But the exercise of writing is therapeutic for me as writing helps me process my thoughts.

I ask for grace from you as I sort things out. And if I publish something you don’t necessarily like, that’s going to be okay. I just ask that you at least remember we’re probably friends, so don’t beat me up too hard if you must respond!

It’s ironic to me as I partake in a group who’s theme this year is “Be you, Bravely” that I find myself gripped with fear. I’m going to try really hard to kick that fear to the curb and embrace my brave.

And in my usual fashion, I find inspiration in music.  Here’s to being Brave!

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

– Sara Bareilles, “Brave”



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