Why am I attempting this blog thing? Isn’t the internet already full of too many opinions? Is it a bit narcissistic to think my puddle of thoughts is anything someone would want to read?
I’m struggling. I want to write. One day, I’d love to add “Author” to my resume.
At the same time, fear keeps getting in my face. Who am I to think I’ve got a scintilla of talent when it comes to prose? I’ll freely admit I don’t have talent when it comes to poetry. But prose? I don’t know. I was told in college by most of my English professors I was “meant to be a writer.”
College? Wow. Now that was close to 20 years ago. And I haven’t done a blasted thing when it comes to honing my alleged skills.
One of my English professors saw me not long after my oldest child was born. She asked, “so are you still writing?” I mumbled something about here and there on a blog, and the occasional article for a church (MOPS) newsletter. She looked disappointed.
I admit, after graduating from college, I was burned out writing. And honestly, that English degree wasn’t going to pay the bills. So, I followed my hobby into the IT world. And then I got burned out there and tried my hand at sales. And then I had children, and the river of life as a mother swept me away. Next thing I knew, it was only during my rough patches did I feel the need to unburden my soul through the written (or would that be typed?) word.
Having such formal training, cutting my teeth on writing literary criticism papers, has made this a difficult adjustment. Blogging and the internet and even the tons of self help books I read blur the lines of formal grammar and writing style.
See, I just did a paragraph break after two sentences. And I think I used a conjuction and first person voice. And earlier, I started a sentence with a conjunction. Oops, I did it again. Sigh…
On top of it all, I suffer from those little voices of doubt that nag at me. I’m not good enough. I don’t have anything to say. I’ve been an inconsistent blogger. It’ll be too much work to get this thing rolling on a regular basis. My opinions and beliefs might offend someone. Or worse, my opinions and beliefs and life experiences might shock people. What will they think of me? Will it impact future opportunities?
Perfectionism, Procrastination, People Pleasing, and Performancism. These four bullies want to keep me from writing.
I’m going to do something about that.
I’m going to be brave and just tell you my story. I’m going to just write. I know I need to. It helps me process things. It helps me de-stress. It gives me something to do that is just for me.
I’m going to see where this blogging thing takes me. My puddle of thoughts might be small. It might just stay local to me and my mom, after all she’s my number one fan, and she’ll read anything I write. Or, the puddle might expand to a small circle of friends and family.
Or maybe one day, I’ll look back, and realize I stood up to the four bullies who were keeping me down and did something brave.
Oh, and those bullies? They come from a great book I’m currently reading – The Cure for the “Perfect Life” by Kathi Lipp & Cheri Gregory. Somehow, I got picked to get an advanced copy of the book. It’s not out yet, but it will be soon. And in the next couple weeks, I’ll tell you all about this book, how it impacted me, and how it will impact you.
Until then, I’m just going to write. And I’m going to enjoy doing it.
And thanks, Mom, for clicking multiple times to make me think I got tons of hits.