Writing Motivations

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Why am I attempting this blog thing? Isn’t the internet already full of too many opinions? Is it a bit narcissistic to think my puddle of thoughts is anything someone would want to read?

I’m struggling.  I want to write. One day, I’d love to add “Author” to my resume.

At the same time, fear keeps getting in my face.  Who am I to think I’ve got a scintilla of talent when it comes to prose? I’ll freely admit I don’t have talent when it comes to poetry.  But prose? I don’t know. I was told in college by most of my English professors I was “meant to be a writer.”

College? Wow. Now that was close to 20 years ago.  And I haven’t done a blasted thing when it comes to honing my alleged skills.

One of my English professors saw me not long after my oldest child was born.  She asked, “so are you still writing?”  I mumbled something about here and there on a blog, and the occasional article for a church (MOPS) newsletter.   She looked disappointed.

I admit, after graduating from college, I was burned out writing.  And honestly, that English degree wasn’t going to pay the bills. So, I followed my hobby into the IT world. And then I got burned out there and tried my hand at sales.  And then I had children, and the river of life as a mother swept me away.  Next thing I knew, it was only during my rough patches did I feel the need to unburden my soul through the written (or would that be typed?) word.

Having such formal training, cutting my teeth on writing literary criticism papers, has made this a difficult adjustment. Blogging and the internet and even the tons of self help books I read blur the lines of formal grammar and writing style.

See, I just did a paragraph break after two sentences. And I think I used a conjuction and first person voice. And earlier, I started a sentence with a conjunction. Oops, I did it again.  Sigh…

On top of it all, I suffer from those little voices of doubt that nag at me. I’m not good enough. I don’t have anything to say.  I’ve been an inconsistent blogger.  It’ll be too much work to get this thing rolling on a regular basis. My opinions and beliefs might offend someone. Or worse, my opinions and beliefs and life experiences might shock people. What will they think of me? Will it impact future opportunities?

Perfectionism, Procrastination, People Pleasing, and Performancism.  These four bullies want to keep me from writing.

I’m going to do something about that.

I’m going to be brave and just tell you my story.  I’m going to just write.  I know I need to.  It helps me process things. It helps me de-stress. It gives me something to do that is just for me.

I’m going to see where this blogging thing takes me. My puddle of thoughts might be small.  It might just stay local to me and my mom, after all she’s my number one fan, and she’ll read anything I write.  Or, the puddle might expand to a small circle of friends and family.

Or maybe one day, I’ll look back, and realize I stood up to the four bullies who were keeping me down and did something brave.

Oh, and those bullies?  They come from a great book I’m currently reading – The Cure for the “Perfect Life” by Kathi Lipp & Cheri Gregory.  Somehow, I got picked to get an advanced copy of the book. It’s not out yet, but it will be soon.  And in the next couple weeks, I’ll tell you all about this book, how it impacted me, and how it will impact you.

Until then, I’m just going to write.  And I’m going to enjoy doing it.

And thanks, Mom, for clicking multiple times to make me think I got tons of hits.

14 responses to “Writing Motivations

  1. You had me at “scintilla”!!! I’m following and looking forward to whatever you write, whenever you write it, however you write it. You have voice in spades.

  2. I know you are going to think ,because I’m your Aunt,that I am not capable of critisizing anything you do;but I can! The problem is my Love what you do here on this blog is wonderful; so I can’t. Mandi I agree with you though. You are a Parker too,they expect nothing out of thereselves but as perfect as they can be. Nothings wrong with that at all,we should all follow there lead. Though sometimes we as women and mothers of 1 or more kids; need to know that theres something we enjoy just for ourselves. Something that takes us into our own zone. Something that makes us feel good about just being ourselves. Yes your 4 bullies could possibly stop you. I say don’t let them. I say keep posting and I’ll keep reading. Why? Not because I’m your Aunt but because I relate to the things you put on. I sometimes get to laugh when theres humour,(i need that alot lately) I get to see how you’re doing,(Because of life ,I don’t get to see you) And also because you are really GOOD at this. So put all the things you learned in college in your subconcious,you can use them when your not looking. And write from your heart…why? Because like I said ;”I LOVE READING IT!”

  3. Wow, that was wonderful! I’m so glad you are blogging, mostly because I know how good it is for the soul. I have to admit I faced those same bullies. Honestly, I still do. Nonetheless, the freedom of writing can overcome great odds. I look forward to reading more as you write. I can’t wait to hear more about this book too, it seems like something I should read.

  4. we need each other to cheering one another on, its too easy to believe the lies that hold us back and think its safer to do nothing than to do something and fail. so glad you posted.

  5. “It might just stay local to me and my mom, after all she’s my number one fan, and she’ll read anything I write.” You have that right. I will read it all. I haven’t missed a blog post since you started back in 2007 & I have read all your papers from school all those many years ago. 🙂 I will always be your number one fan! As for clicking multiple times…….that’s a good idea. I hadn’t thought of that before. 🙂 Go kick those bullies’ butts and let God take you where He wants to lead you. He blessed you with the gift of writing. Love you, my sweet girl. Mommy

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