Milestones come and go…

Sometimes I feel like this entire blog focuses on nothing more than my emotional ups and downs from two miscarriages. I really do want to write about more than just that, but it seems when things are going well, I don’t really have much to say. I stay busy with my daily life, and only think about clever things I could share here, cute kids stories, political thoughts, arm-chair quarterbacking college football, etc. Instead, it seems that only when things get a little crazy, and I need a place to vent, to work things out, that I find time to write. That frustrates me greatly, but it just shows that I need to find regular time to write. Perhaps an early New Years resolution, eh?

But the last week of November and first week of December was a little tough – emotional ups and downs. And it all had to do with two Milestone that came and went: first, the “birthday” of the first baby I miscarried – would have been born November 16, 2007. And then, a new milestone, the due date for the baby I miscarried in May. – December 6. I didn’t want to focus on it too much. But it actually hit me subconsciously. First, I had a weird dream that I was pregnant with two babies – one several months ahead of the one I’m currently carrying. I woke up and the dream was so real and stayed with me for much of the following day. I was in a funk, didn’t know why, and then it hit me – the due date week had come. I didn’t really know how to mention it to anyone, but I did quietly ask a few friends from MOPS to pray for me and uplift me. It was a MOPS week after all, too, and I didn’t need those attacks on my spirit. God bless the ladies in MOPS – sometimes I wonder how moms without MOPS make it!

I could tell their prayers helped me tremendously – the funk lifted and I felt better. I just thought I had handled this second miscarriage so much better than the first, that the funk that hit me just really surprised me. But God is good, I felt His peace, and I think ended up being a nicer person at home. 🙂

That following Sunday at church, the sermon was perfect. And then, the music – the closing song – gave me what I think I needed most – an emotional release. Surprisingly, I hadn’t heard it before, but it was Always by Building 429. The video is below. I cried a bit during the song, cried for the first time probably since May or June about my loss. Eric just rubbed my shoulder… I don’t even know if he knows why I was crying. We don’t always talk about the babies we lost. It’s something that other than a few ladies at MOPS and the occasional blog post that I keep to myself in my heart. I share when I need to – to help others going through similar pain.

But for anyone who is going through tough times, pain, or just needs encouragement – God is Faithful. He truly is. This time of year we should all reflect on the ultimate faithfulness of God – the gift of His son. And that’s the message of Building 429’s song. Watch the video.

Building 429 – Always (Official Music Video) from building-429 on GodTube.

One response to “Milestones come and go…

  1. I always love reading your blog. I love you with all my heart. That video is fabulous. It made me cry. God is so good….always….but it is so special when He gives what you need when you need it.

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