Wow… I never imagined that this year, on Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I would be remembering two sweet angel babies. My first miscarriage was in April of 2007. Wait – stop for a minute. Do you know how incredibly odd it feels every time I utter “first miscarriage” or “second miscarriage.” When I began my adventure in motherhood the summer of 2005 getting pregnant with Katie, I never imagined I would be here 4 years later. One miscarriage, let alone TWO!
But yet… I find myself pregnant again – this week officially half way through another pregnancy. We are expecting our third. Wait – stop for a minute. Every time I say that – every time I talk about this baby in terms of numbers, I feel the loss – No, we are expecting baby number 5. Baby 2 & Baby 4 (yes, I have named them – but that is a personal thing that I don’t share) are in Heaven. Baby 5 is in my womb – I feel this baby move and kick. And tomorrow, on October 15th – a day that is nationally recognized as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day – Eric and I will find out the sex of this baby. Wow. God works in mysterious ways.
But since my first pregnancy loss, well, to put it as one of my dear friends says, I am a totally different person. God has moved so much in my life and there isn’t an overwhelming sadness anymore. Sure I can tear up listening to certain songs or when certain milestone days might pass by, but I truly feel God’s peace. Walking the path of pregnancy loss for a second time wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
I told several people “I don’t think I could ever make it through a second miscarriage. I think it would devastate me.” But God is amazing and awesome and worked so much in my life without me even realizing it. I am okay. In fact, I am stronger. This second loss this past May did not devastate me. As the reality hit me that Sunday morning in May when I started experiencing miscarriage symptoms, the first thing that came to my mind was a Praise song by Casting Crowns – I Will Praise You in this Storm. I recently saw a church sign that said, “Praise is a decision – not a reaction.” And I can say that is entirely true.
I told God after my first miscarriage that I wanted to see something good come from my pain and loss. God is not finished with me yet. And I’ve been able to take my experience and comfort and counsel others who have walked the path of pregnancy loss.
So, October 15th – A Day of Remembrance. For 8 weeks and 11 weeks, I had the distinct privilege of having two little lives with me, even if the time was so short. And I can’t imagine how sweet that reunion in Heaven will be.
An excellent book for those experiencing the loss of a pregnancy or infant –
Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A Devotional Companion for Comfort in
the Loss of Your Unborn or Newly Born by Kathe Wunnenberg
Brief Information about October 15th – Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day
You can find out more at http://www.october15th.com
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for
all pregnancies and infant death which includes but not limited to
miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. It is
recognized in the United States and throughout Canada on October 15th
of each year.
The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Movement began in the United
States On October 25, 1988 when former American President Ronald
Reagan designated the month of October 1988 as “Pregnancy and Infant
Loss Awareness Month. During that proclamation, President Reagan
stated, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan.
When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or
widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe
The October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day Campaign
began in 2002 as an American movement. As a result of the American
campaign effort Concurrent resolution H. CON. RES. 222 Supporting the
goals and ideals of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
was passed in the House of Representatives on September 28, 2006.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your
works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were
written in your book before one of them came to be.