So, the last 3 weeks

In the last three weeks, I’ve been adjusting to life with 2 children living in my house. First of all, Jonah Samuel came into the world on April 22 at 11:10am. He was 8 lbs. 12 oz and had a head full of black hair. In the last 3 weeks, he’s taken to nursing quite well, and the little porker now weighs 10 lbs 1 oz. WOW! Just last week he gained 12 oz. He’s a great baby, having only a few moments of fussiness. Overall, he sleeps relatively well at night, but perhaps wants to be held too much during the day. That’s the fallout from having to have help around the house due to my c-section, and so many people holding him. I’m trying to slowly break him of that, and I think it’s going to work. He’s getting quite alert now, so it’s going to be fun once he can really interact with all of us.

As for my c-section, it went okay. I have no real complaints, but the fact that I did have surgery sucks. Three weeks post-op, I am starting to be able to pick up Katie again, but it’s limited. Only when I absolutely have to. She doesn’t understand why Mommy can’t pick her up all the time. That was really hard for me the first week home. Along with my hormones fluctuating, I just broke down and cried one night as she was crying after asking me to pick her up. Sure, she knows Mommy has a “big boo boo” but she can’t quite comprehend why that means Mommy can’t swing her around, and walk around holding her.

Anyway, I did drive today for the first time since Jonah was born. Not that bad. And I think I don’t need any more help during the day when Eric is at work. So, that’s good. I can now lift Katie as long as I use my arms more than my ab muscles. I still am uncomfortable using my baby wrap to carry Jonah, as that relies more on chest, ab, and back muscles. But I think in a couple weeks, I’ll be fine using a sling or baby wrap.

Speaking of slings and wraps – If you are in the market for one, check out The Sling Station. I got a Moby Baby Wrap there, and I think I’ll get a sling as well. They have great products and such a greater selection than you find at Target or Babies R Us.

Katie is a great big sister. We’ve only had a couple of “jealousy moments” to speak of… for the most part she’s all about hugging and kissing and being sweet to her brother. “Me hold baby” or “Me rock baby” are very common phrases. Today it was “Me Feed baby.” Cute, but not possible. She’s comfortable with him nursing. I explained to her that was how little babies ate and drank. That big girls used cups. She never once has asked to nurse or anything like that. She’s comfortable in her big girl role. She’s a doll, and I love her so much. What I didn’t realize is that even though she was 2, I still looked at her like she was little and a baby herself. The moment she walked into my hospital room after Jonah’s birth, she grew up in my eyes. Eric and I both realized just how much she’s grown up in these 2 years. Just how much of a little person she already is. In a way it was sad to me – my baby girl isn’t so little and helpless. My baby girl isn’t a baby. My baby girl is a toddler, a preschooler, someone that can walk, run, jump, feed herself, getting interested in potty training, and trying to dress herself. She can climb a ladder on her new swing set, slide down the slide, kick a ball, and her language skills explode on a daily basis. My baby girl isn’t a baby. And one day I’ll blink, and she’ll be on her way to school… and spending a week at camp, and getting a drivers license, and leaving my house, and getting married, and having her own family. These 2 years have gone SO quickly… I’ve got to learn to cherish the time I have now and not rush things. She is so precious, I don’t want to miss a moment because I had to do laundry or clean the kitchen or go here or there. I imagine things will be the same with Jonah, too.

We did have baby dedication at church this last weekend on Mother’s Day. It was more emotional than I thought it would be. The first song they sung to open the service was Darrell Evans’ Trading My Sorrows. This song was one that had such an impact on me during my healing process last year after the miscarriage.

I’m trading my sorrow
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

What’s weird is that I forgot this song meant so much to me. I hadn’t heard it much the last few months, so I almost forgot about it. But when we started to sing it, and the kids in the service were doing their motions to it, all the feelings I had last summer flooded back to me. I just held my necklace with my three baby charms on it, and asked the Lord to tell my baby up how much I loved and missed ’em. Mother’s Day last year was when I had my breakthrough at the beach. In a year, so much has changed. I’ve changed. And now the Lord has blessed with Jonah. And it’s so weird… had the pregnancy last spring been successful, I wouldn’t have Jonah. I’d have another baby. And I can’t imagine life right now without Jonah. In the words of Garth Brooks,

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers… That just because he may not answer doesn’t mean he don’t care. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around that entirely… I wanted that baby so badly… but had I gotten what I wanted, there would be no Jonah. And I love him so much.

Well, I need to wrap this up. More as I have time. I’ll leave you with a pic of the three people I love the most – Katie, Eric, and Jonah.

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